“Imagine there’s no Sooners . . . It’s Easy If You Try . . . ”

Friday, October 8, 2004: The Barley House, Dallas, Texas

Texas-OU weekend is all about tradition. The State Fair of Texas, corn dogs, Big Tex, Bevo, the Sooner Schooner—all of these things combine to make the TX-OU game the best rivalry in college football. Unfortunately, another tradition has been developing over the past five years: the tradition of my Longhorns getting the ever-loving crap kicked out of them by Bob Stoops and the Sooners. Unfortunately, it happened again on October 9th, although I’m happy to say that my boys at least showed up and played hard (unlike 2003). The defense gave up some yards, but stiffened when they had to and forced some very timely turnovers. The offense, however, was another (very sad) story. Led by the brilliant mind of coordinator Greg Davis, my Horns managed a whopping total of zero points. Hell, we didn’t even cross the OU 20 yard line. You all know how much I hate the Sooners, but I assure you that they are Katie Holmes-like in my eyes when compared to my feelings for the aforementioned Mr. Davis.

Happily, the weekend was not a complete loss for me and a whole slew of my friends thanks to another new TX-OU tradition: the Friday night Diamondbag show at the Barley House. We did it for the first time in 2002, and it was a magical night (click here for proof!). We couldn’t do it last year due to Jay and Angela’s wedding, but we were back in force this year. In fact, I think I booked the Barley for this night about 6 months ago. And trust me, next year is already reserved as well, given the fantastic Horn-fueled turnout by my many Austin friends and associates.

I knew it was going to be a good night when I arrived at the Barley about 9:00, and found a good group of friends already present and accounted for. I had pledged to stay relatively sober for the show given the fact that a) I didn’t want to suck in front of a bunch of people seeing us for the first time, and b) I had to get up at 6:45 AM the next day due to the early kickoff. Unfortunately, this “stay-sober” plan went almost immediately out the window as the shots started flowing. I really can’t tell you how many shots I did through the course of the night, but I’m betting I drank more than OU scored on Saturday (that’s 12 for you not scoring along at home). That’s really sad, because it means that:

     1) I’m a fucking lush.
     2) We still lost the game.

I’d like to list all of the great people who came to the show, but I’d certainly leave out a few folks and wind up feeling like an ass. So instead, I will simply say a big Texas thank you to all of you. It meant a lot to me that you were all there, and I hope you had fun.

Fun? DAMN STRAIGHT we had fun. From the moment the blue sparkly shirt made an appearance, the place was going crazy. An impromptu version of “The Eyes of Texas” was punctuated by Wade’s Texas flag, which then proceeded to take its rightful place on stage for the remainder of the evening. Everyone was dancing, singing, and having a great time—yes, even Jon.

After we closed the first set with “Sweet Caroline,” something unexpected and, dare I say, quite magical happened. While we were leaving the stage, the “Sweet Caroline” sinaglong somehow beautifully morphed into the “OU Sucks” chant to produce a fusion so perfect that I’m still embarassed that I didn’t think of it myself…

“Ohhhhhhhhhhh Youuuuuuuuuuuuu suuuuuccckkkkkssssss…O U SUCKS! OU SUCKS, and O U SUCKS!”

I knew my friends were brilliant, but damn that was impressive. I’m getting chills just thinking about it. When the tune finally died down, I made my way into the throng (and by now, it was a massive throng) to say hi to the many friendly folks in attendance. And oh yeah, to drink. I think everyone wanted to buy me a shot, and buy me a shot they did. I feel bad because I promised Shea’s cousin that we’d play “Heartlight” after she bought me not one but two drinks, and yet we never played it. At least, I don’t THINK we played it—but who knows, because by this point I was ripped.

Despite the level of intoxicants, the second set started strongly. I think we played the best version of “Red Red Wine” ever, and Jon even sang a birthday version of “Imagine” for John Lennon at midnight (who would have been sixty-four on October 9th). After that, it all gets blurry, and my voice got (ahem) fuzzy. We continued to play tunes, including lots of fun covers, until we finally drug ourselves off the stage about 1:45. All in all, it was perhaps the most fun I’ve ever had on stage. I think.

At the big Longhorn tailgate party the next morning, all of my friends seemed as hung over as I was—yet no one was complaining. By all accounts, everyone seemed to have a fabulous time, and more than a few folks told me the show was the highlight of their weekend. I realize that such sentiments were the direct result of Longhorn ineptitude more than anything Diamondbag actually did, but it was still nice to hear. Once again, a thousand thank-you's to everyone who packed the Barley, and special thanks to the Jon & Eric & Mike & Jay for showing all of my friends such a good time (and somehow keeping me from looking like the schmuck that I really am).

And by the way, I don’t care if we lost 12-0. After all, there are only three things in this world I am certain of: Diamondbag drinks more than any band on Earth, I have some wonderful friends, and OU STILL SUCKS.

Set One
Kentucky Woman
Solitary Man
Walk On Water
Cracklin’ Rosie
Cherry Cherry
Love On the Rocks
Girl You’ll Be a Woman Soon
I Got the Feeling
Rock Me Gently
If You Know What I Mean
Sweet Caroline

Set Two
Superstition (Jon)
Forever In Blue Jeans
I Can’t Explain
Red Red Wine
I’m a Believer/Money
Holly Holy
Blister In the Sun (Jay)

*from here it gets fuzzy, put the rest of the songs in any order you please!

I Want You to Want Me (Jon)
Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show
Hey Jude
Kentucky Woman (again by request for Lauren)

I know we played more, but I can’t tell you what. Sorry!

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