"If I Never Knew Your Namik"

Saturday, January 17, 2004: Lakewood Bar & Grill

We always have a fantastic time when we play at the Lakewood Bar and Grill. If you don't believe me, simply review any of my prior journal entries written after previous LBG gigs. They are usually rambling and unfocused, proof positive that I was possibly still drunk days after the actual show itself. To remedy that situation, I am writing this summary a whole eight days after our last appearance at LBG on January 17 th .

Why the delay, you ask?

Well, there are lots of reasons. Please allow me to list the main ones here and you can determine if I am as full of shit as many people generally allege:

  1. The aforementioned "LBG" hangover. I didn't even want to move until late Sunday night. In fact, I watched both NFL championship games from the non-comfort of my lumpy bedroom mattress. Eagles suck, by the way! :)

  2. Contrary to popular belief, I have a life. I know it may shock some of you, but I do in fact have a life outside of the band. It may be what Bender described in The Breakfast Club as "demented and sad, but social"-but it is a life nonetheless. I actually started writing this summary four times, but got sidetracked each time. But I had a really good excuse, trust me.

  3. I spent the week in a Turkish prison.

  4. I went to Iowa to vote in the caucus, and then went on a bender with Dick Gephardt.

  5. I heard about Katie Holmes' unfortunate engagement to that idiot Chris Klein, and it was my duty to stop it at all costs.

  6. After their recent rash of injuries, the Lakers needed me to start at the point. Things were going well, until they discovered my "Mavs Fan for Life" t-shirt under my jersey and traded me to the Clippers. Needless to say, I retired the next day rather than play for those asswipes.

  7. I spent the time in Austin, interviewing for the still-vacant defensive coordinator position at my beloved University of Texas. Internet chat boards went nuts, especially when it was revealed that I have absolutely no coaching experience whatsoever. Sadly, many Longhorn fans still consider me an improvement over our last coach.

  8. I had to bail Alex Lifeson out of jail. To make it up to me, Alex assures me that Rush will finally play "The Camera Eye" on their tour this summer. Good day eh!

  9. No one reads this shit anyway, so I took the week off and had fun. You got a problem with that?

I really do apologize for the delay. However, I am happy to say that so many of you came to the show at LBG that I didn't feel the pressing need to remind you of what you had witnessed in person. Seriously, we packed the place and made a nice chunk of change in the process. My unemployed ass appreciates your $5, but next time I could use an extra shot or two if you get the chance.

The show itself was pretty good, too. We were sharing the stage on a double-bill with No Commitment, and it was determined that Diamondbag would go first based on the complicated rock-paper-scissors technique. During our first set, we debuted a modified "Play Me" with Jon on guitar instead of keys, and I think it really improved the song. We also did something many thought unthinkable-we played a brand new song! Yes Diamondheads, if you weren't there, you missed the world broadcast premiere of the Neil classic "I've Got the Feelin' (Oh No No)." Of course, we sorta modified it from its original pseudo-wimpy format into a full-blown four-minute jackhammer, complete with an additional verse I wrote myself. I think the plan is to alter that verse at each gig depending on the band's current romantic standing with the ladies, so be warned girls-you do us wrong, you get immortalized in song.

After our set, No Commitment took over and even whipped out the seldom-used "let the audience pick the song" technique. Wouldn't you know that the ploy resulted in two straight McCartney solo songs-Jon didn't look so happy, as it was early in the evening and the gin hadn't really kicked in yet. But soon the happy berry was coursing through Jon's veins, and he became the guitar madman we all know and love. With Eric adding extra guitar and Steph present in all her songbird glory, No Commitment rocked the house-and gave me plenty of time to socialize with some long-lost friends, and some friends soon to be long-lost. Yes, unfortunately this particular evening was the last Dallas appearance of our good friend Todd Namik. We all hope he will come back and visit us frequently, and I hope he knows how much we are all going to miss him.

Diamondbag's second set was about what you'd expect at that point in the evening-drunk, rowdy, and slightly out of tune. Hell, I even forgot the words to "Creep." Oops. Unquestionably, the highlight of the set was a guest vocal appearance from the LBG's very own Melissa on "You Don't Bring Me Flowers." We didn't even rehearse-she just came up and sang it with me, and she did a fantastic job. Melissa makes a mean drink, she has a law degree, and she can sing the Neil-damn I love that woman. After Melissa wowed the crowd, we finally remembered to play "If You Know What I Mean" for the first time in a long time, and closed with perhaps the best version of "Brother Love" we've every played. I don't say it often enough, but let me just remind you how great Jon & Eric & Mike & Jay are. These guys are flat-out tight, and they make my job easy. After all, anyone can sound decent when they're fronting a band that good. Even me.

The last hour of the night found No Commitment tearing it up again, and I must admit that it is a bit of a blur to me. Flashes of Becca, Tia, pear cider, Katie, Sarah, Angela, Tuaca, Curtis, and Spongebob Squarepants (???????) flash though my brain as I attempt to recollect it. Perhaps it's best if I don't recall, as some disturbing images are running through my head right now! After the show, we of course adjourned to the house for the required after-party. Todd's presence assured a huge turnout, and I'm betting the party continued until the sun came up. I left about 4:30 with a big smile on my face, as it had been pretty close to a perfect night in every aspect. Thanks to everyone who came, even though we know it was more for Todd than for us. After all, he deserves it. We'll be back to butcher the Neil at the Barley House on Valentines Day, and that promises to be a show you don't want to miss. One word, my friends: jammies.

See you there. After all, love stinks.

Set One

Kentucky Woman
Solitary Man
Walk On Water
Cracklin' Rosie
Play Me
Girl You'll Be a Woman Soon
Cherry Cherry
I Got the Feelin' (Oh No No)
Rock Me Gently
Sweet Caroline

Set Two
Forever In Blue Jeans
Red Red Wine
Love On the Rocks
Holly Holy
You Don't Bring Me Flowers
If You Know What I Mean
Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show

back to archive menu >>